Previously on Greek:
Look, I realize this is awkward.
You said you liked me, and I didn't remember you.
Then I asked you out, and you blew me off.
now I see why it's awkward, for you.
I convinced Rebecca to come to our Valentine's party.
I want to show the girl who claims she doesn't believe in love
how much she means to me.
- Is that from Evan? - I've decided I like it.
He thinks he has a future with you.
Don't you think you're giving Evan the wrong idea
when you don't feel the same way?
I don't want to get serious with him.
- How about we go upstairs? - Oh, my God!
- What about law school? - I thought about law school, but it was for a boyfriend.
Maybe you should consider it for yourself.
If I get into CRU Law and you find a major that you love
then maybe we could end up graduate at the same time.
I'm just not sure I'm ready to graduate and leave here.
- What about you and Casey? - I don't really know.
- Hmm. Morning. - Hmm.
- [Dumptruck] Good morning! - [gasping]
Looks like you have a new Jeremy on your hands.
Right on time, Dumper.
Mardi Gras breakfast beer?
It has zero essential vitamins and minerals.
Right. Mardi Gras. I'd love to, but I'm taking the LSAT today.
Are you sure you need that to get into law school?
The Law School Admission Test? Yes, I'm sure.
- That will be all, Dumptruck. - Thank you, sir.
Aw. I remember when you were a pledge you used to say,
"One day, someone will wake me up with beer."
- It's as special as I'd hoped. - We've come a long way.
I'm taking the LSAT, you're getting beer brought to you
and declaring a major. We're practically grown up.
- Yep. - So...
...did you? Fill out your major declaration form?
- Uh... yes. - Really?
With three majors. I got so excited I couldn't stop writing.
At least you're narrowing down the choices. What are they?
Um, if I tell you, then they won't come true.
Cap, are you not taking this seriously?
I swear I am. But today is about you and your test. OK?
- How are you feeling about it? - I'm taking your advice.
I'm trying to clear my mind
- and not think about it too much. - Always worked for me.
And then you can come by the Mardi Gras Spectacular
and forget all about it. Speaking of Mardi Gras,
- there's this tradition where... - No way.
- [party noise] - It's time for the first parade of the day!
- [gasping] - [chuckling] Go play with your friends.
- Yay! - Yay!
Oh, hey, good luck on your test!
- Remember, don't be nervous. - I won't be.
[Dana] Rusty, we're working in the lab later, right?
Yeah, but I have to leave a early to help Kappa Tau
set up for our Mardi Gras party.
[scoffing] Right, your frat world.
Here's hoping you have both eyebrows in the morning.
I will because I have a date for the party.
- I'm actually on my way to meet her. - Oh, what's her name?
Her name... Wait a minute.
Is this weird for us to talk about this?
- Why? - Because of the whole nerd auction thing
when you liked me and hated me all in one conversation.
We're past the "will they/won't they" hump.
Now we know we won't, it clears a path for us to be friends.
I guess. I've just never had a girl friend before.
- That doesn't surprise me. - I mean a girl, pause, friend.
That doesn't surprise me, either.
But you should give it a try.
Sure, why not? OK, girl-pause-friend,
I'm gonna introduce you to my date.
You can tell me what you think.
Let me guess. Vapid sorority girl?
No. Not exactly. Hello, Katherine.
Rusty, hi.
[nervous chuckling]
- Whatcha reading? - The latest Franka comic strip.
She's a Dutch sleuth who takes on the likes of shady businessmen
- and pirates and smugglers. - Ooh.
I would share but the humor doesn't translate.
[chuckling] Katherine, this is Dana.
She is my lab assistant on my project. And my friend.
- She's also a Space Plasma Physics major. - Oh, good for you.
Yeah, I'm fascinated with the Kinetic Molecular Theory.
- Oh! - So, Rusty, I picked up some Mardi Gras masks.
I wanted you to try them on to make sure they don't overpower your small head.
- Oh, thanks. - OK.
- What do you think? - Well, she's not vapid.
She's great! Great.
Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com
There you are!
Are you coming to Dobler's for Mardi Gras tonight?
Evan is going with Rebecca and Pete is meeting me
after he gets back from his lacrosse game in Chicago.
Don't you just love Mardi Gras? It's the perfect holiday.
It doesn't have the added romantic pressure
of Valentine's Day or the unflattering color palette of St. Patty's Day.
But sometimes you have to take the LSAT.
Oh, my God! Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm blabbing on about parties and boys
when you've got the most important test of your life.
- Well, not of my life. - No, you're right.
So just relax. It's like any other test, only four hours longer.
Why the hell have I been designated sober sister on Mardi Gras?
Because you were the only person not at the meeting when we did the vote.
If your meetings weren't so stupid, I might attend.
Dale, you take such wonderful care of us here at ZBZ.
- Thank you. - We would like to show our thanks
by making you our honorary ZBZ sober sister tonight.
No can do. I'm going to the KT Mardi Gras party tonight.
But you don't drink. Or have fun. What's the point?
It's a perfect opportunity to show people you can have fun without drinking.
You saying that makes me want to drink.
I don't know why I thought I could study here.
No, but I made you a study snack.
A fish medley, with blueberries. It's brain food.
Thanks, but brain is already full. Of knowledge.
- Want me to put it in a to-go box? - No, no.
I'll eat it.
Hey, Cap. So...
We want to make this Mardi Gras tradition called a king cake.
You bake a plastic baby into a cake,
and whoever gets the slice with it has a lucky year.
- Do it. - Yes!
This is gonna be a great Mardi Gras party.
I know. First beads and now cake.
And I'm bringing Katherine as my date.
[everyone gets quiet]
What? I like her. I know, she's a little strange,
but she's really pretty under those head bands and pearls.
Have a seat. Come here.
Spitter, do you know what Mardi Gras is?
It's French for Fat Tuesday which is a culmination
of a carnival period beginning with the Twelfth Night.
Wrong. It's a time when we try to get girls to show us their boobs for beads!
- I don't think Katherine's that type of girl. - Exactly.
Mardi Gras is about debauchery. And sex.
You only bring a girl if you know there's going to be both.
- That's why I'm bringing your sister. - I got it.
If you bring a date to this party, you can't throw beads at any other girls.
You don't want the first time you see your date's snack trays
to be the first time everyone else sees them, too.
I think Katherine will really love this party.
- She really likes jazz. - Jazz?
You don't deserve these.
That necklace looks great on you.
- Are you trying to get me back upstairs? - Yes.
- See you tonight. - [sighing]
Cal!
Look, I know you're pissed at me. I don't blame you.
But it's not gonna happen again.
I pawned my laptop to pay back the house.
Hmm. What are you gonna pawn next?
I'll just take on some more work.
[sighing] That sucks. I'm sorry.
Thanks. It's not that bad.
I made 50 bucks last night catering.
I'm practically rolling in it.
Regardless, I just wanted to apologize.
- Cool? - Yeah, cool.
Oh, gosh! Oh, goodness.
- Need these? - Joel! Hi.
What are you doing here?
Standing around with napkins waiting for a spill.
- And getting coffee. - Well, you've come to the right place for both.
- Thanks. - Oh, God, this book.
For a while, this was the bane of my existence.
- How are your nerves? - Um, you know, my mind is clear.
Feeling calm, trying not to think about it too much.
That's impressive. I was such a mess the week before the LSAT,
I couldn't sleep or eat for a week.
Me either. People keep telling me not to be nervous,
and I'm trying to take their advice.
That'd be nice, but I don't see how you could.
You're about to take a test that's the most important factor
- in getting into law school. - Exactly!
- It's a really big deal! - The biggest.
So freak out now instead of freaking out in the test.
OK, because I've put all of my eggs into one basket,
and if I don't get into law school then I have nothing.
So, I am... I am currently freaking out!
- Good for you. - [sighing] Oh... my God.
I was trying so hard not to be nervous,
it was making me nervous.
- Thank you for the help. - You're welcome. I gotta go.
Another trick that helped was having a lucky talisman.
I had this sweatshirt I wore the whole time I was studying.
It got pretty gross at the end, but it worked.
Can I borrow it?
You don't want to go to law school that badly.
Dana?
- What are you doing? - I'm seeing if you need any help.
Yeah, I'm actually the assistant and you're the roommate.
What are you doing here?
Rusty said I could play with his lab equipment.
- Tell her. - We're leaving for the KT party soon anyway.
You can have the whole place to yourself.
- Right, your big date night. - Date?
Cappie didn't say anything about a date. I don't have one
since Retainer Girl left me emotionally and physically scarred.
Relax, you do not need to bring a date.
Apparently.
- OK. That's a relief. - You can take me.
You want to go to a fraternity party?
Why not? As long you don't mind.
- Why would I mind? - Great.
Wait, hold on. I haven't agreed to any of this.
- Don't I get a say? - [sighing]
- Let me see your teeth. - What?
I want to make sure you don't have any dangerous orthodontia.
Let's see those chompers. Come on.
No.
All right, fine. I'll take you.
[knocking]
Hey. What are you doing here?
I have a few last minute details I wanted to discuss with you
before this evening. May we have the room?
- [snorting] - What?
Oh. You're serious.
- Totally. - Yeah, I have some stuff outside I need to work on.
- What's up? - Well, I've spent a considerable amount
of the last four years focused on my future.
- Yeah? - And now that I've been accepted into law school,
and I do not start my summer internship for two months,
I have a lot of time on my hands.
I think you are a great person, and we've had one relatively successful date,
and I do not want to go to Yale a virgin,
so I've decided to lose my virginity to you. Tonight.
If you're amenable. - I-I'm flattered.
But we haven't even kissed yet.
Or learned how to greet each other.
Clearly, we are two very smart people.
I am confident that we can figure it out.
Now, I don't have any experience in the area,
so I will defer the choice of prophylactic over to you.
Oh.
OK, let's get this keg in the truck.
Remember, lift with your back on the count of three.
- One... - ...two...
...three! [grunting]
You got it? You got it? [grunting]
- [sighing] - [panting]
So, did you figure out that, uh, Mardi Gras date problem?
Uh, sort of.
- Talk to you for a second? Just a little thing. - Yeah. Sure.
Katherine wants to have sex.
Hey! That's great! Wait, with you, right?
- Yeah, with me. - Hey! That's great!
You found the exception to the "No Date On Mardi Gras" rule:
the "Sure Thing On Mardi Gras."
Oh, yeah. Sure thing. It's just that...
- ...she's a virgin. - Really?
- Yeah. - You know what? I actually get that.
It's only our second date and she already wants to have sex.
If she's a virgin, is she gonna want to get married by the third one?
What is it with you Cartwrights
and your obsession with the future?
Look at it this way: Being here at school is like Mardi Gras,
and the rest of your life is like Lent.
You gotta get it all out before you give it all up.
But I've never been anybody's first before.
What if I "give it all up" and I don't meet her expectations?
Are you kidding me? She's never done it before,
so she has nothing to compare it to.
I've never thought about it that way.
Not only do I have a chance to be her first, I'm guaranteed to be her best.
You'd have to screw it up pretty badly not to.
- Real bad. - Trust me, this is a good thing, OK?
In fact, I have a little somethg for you in honor of this occasion.
You know, not too long ago,
you came into Kappa Tau yourself a virgin,
looking for that first sexual experience.
And here you are, passing that wisdom on to some other fortunate soul.
It's the circle of life. The circle of sex life.
Come on.
[indistinct chatter]
- Whoa. - Guess what I've got.
- Uh, the new Mariah album? - Better!
Tickets to Mardi Gras, tonight, Gentleman's Choice!
Oh. So no Dobler's with the rest of the house?
No way. This is my first gay holiday.
OK, easy Captain Fabulous.
Straight people celebrate Mardi Gras, too.
- Not like we do. - Good point.
While I was there, I got a proposition.
To bartend. Apparently they're expecting such a huge crowd,
they need extra help.
I could make $500 prancing around without my shirt on.
- Wait, did you say $500? - Yeah.
But instead I'm choosing to prance around you
- with my shirt off for nothing. - Aw. That's sweet.
But just so you know, I'm gonna keep my shirt on.
OK. But no pants.
Hey, I thought you were off taking your test.
Uh, I need a lucky charm for the LSAT.
I was going to bring Pussy-Willow the Seventh,
but that seemed unprofessional,
so I'm going with the purple hair tie I use to study.
- As soon as I find it. - Purple. On it.
While we're looking, mind if I ask you a question?
- What's up? - I was supposed to go to Dobler's with Pete,
but the lacrosse team decided to stay in Chicago for Mardi Gras.
I'm sad that we're not gonna be together,
but I don't want him to think I'm some needy girl.
I'm super bummed that we're not gonna be together, but I get it, so...
Casey, how do I feel?
You've only been dating for a short time,
and up until now he's given you no reason to doubt his character.
How you react to this will set a precedent.
- OK. - A measured response is best.
Text, but don't call. Be cool, but not cold.
Tell him your preference is that you wish he were here,
but you understand his situation
and hope he has a fun time with the team
while also thinking about the great time he could be having with you.
If he doesn't find a way to get back to Cyprus tonight,
- then res ipsa loquitur! - Ooh.
- Is that Harry Potter talk? - It's lawyer talk
- for "the thing speaks for itself." - Fancy.
That was the most perfect answer ever!
I know! I am going to ace this test
and go on to kick some Washingtonian ass!
As soon as I find my lucky hair tie.
- Yes! - [sighing]
- Hey, you got a sec? - Yeah.
- Ramen noodles? - I used to judge people for eating this stuff.
But it's delicious and in my price range.
OK, what would you say if I told you
I knew of a way for you to make
a whole lot of money for one night's work.
I'd say you want to harvest my organs.
No. Gentleman's Choice needs a little extra help tonight.
Oh. You want to harvest that organ.
I understand if you're not interested.
No, it's that I told Rebecca that we'd hang out tonight.
I'd feel bad if I just bailed on her, last minute like that.
You could make enough to buy back your laptop.
- In one night? - Gays spend money on Mardi Gras like grandmas at Christmas.
[chuckling] All right, yeah, I'm in.
- All right. - Just do me a favor, let's keep this between us.
Rebecca does find it charming that I don't have any money,
but her opinion'd probably change if she found out that I stole from the house.
That'll be between you, me and all the gay men of Cyprus.
OK.
[indistinct chatter]
Coming through!
Hey! Got your message about your hair thing.
I told the guys to pretend like you're not here
so you can go about your business in peace and get out of here sober.
Thanks, Cap. I'm actually feeling pretty good,
even though it's one of the biggest days of my life.
It's kind of a big day for both Cartwrights.
- Why? What's Rusty doing? - Nobody.
Rusty?
Did you tell her about Katherine?
- No. But you just did. - What's going on with Katherine?
- Nothing. - Did you do something lame to piss her off?
No. Even if I did, it's none of your business.
Russell Alan!
Fine. If you must know, Katherine and I
are gonna have sex tonight. Happy?
No! I am not happy. And frankly, I'm feeling a little sick.
You two are allowed to date, be cute, maybe hold hands,
- but no sex. - First of all, that's not up to you.
Second, it wasn't even my idea. She came to me.
Apparently she's a virgin and wants me to be the one who,
- you know, changes that. - That is not a good idea.
If it goes badly, she's gonna want to talk to me about it
and then I'll have to cut off my ears.
It's not gonna go badly because
she doesn't have anybody to compare me to,
so there will be no expectations.
- I taught him that. - No expectations? Are you two crazy?
She's had 21 years to build up her expectations.
She's not some normal girl who only learns about sex from teen vampire movies.
We're talking about Katherine. She reads.
You're competing with Robert Pattinson and Lady Chatterley's Lover.
Oh, I read that book.
All right, I saw it on Skinemax.
You know, I don't have time for this. I'm about to step into my future.
So, if I were you, I'd seriously rethink this.
[gasping] Yes! [sighing]
This will commence the Logical Reasoning portion of the test.
You have 35 minutes, starting now. Good luck.
[Casey] It's OK to be nervous.
"The government chose not to require warnings on products
containing caffeine because if the findings were refuted,
the government would lose credibility.
Which of the following is suggested by the above?
A) A warning that applies to a small population is inappropriate?
B) Few people drink more than six cups of coffee a day?
Or C) Cappie won't declare a major?"
[mental sighing] Focus, Casey!
[someone tapping foot]
Why hasn't Cappie declared a major?
I mean, I knew what I was getting into,
but is he ever going to leave CRU?
Why would he lie to me? And, oh, my God,
why is that guy tapping his foot?
[clearing throat]
[rock music plays]
[whistling]
Hey! The next parade theme is...
- ...people with cups! - [cheering]
Follow me! Whoo!
You may not be aware of this,
but Mardi Gras originated in Mobile, Alabama, not New Orleans.
In 1830 by the Cowbellion de Rankin Society.
Nobody likes a know-it-all, Dana.
Looks like somebody's shirking their sober sister duties.
Excuse me for a minute.
What's that?
- Oh, um, it's silly. - I just find I'm at my best
when I have a schedule made for the day's activities.
- Is "have sex" on there? - There's a window.
You know, I read somewhere that a woman's first time is never really the best.
In CosmoGirl? Yes.
I have been doing this research, too.
Albeit in magazines geared toward a younger demographic.
Apparently most people my age are no longer virgins.
I just wanted to make sure
that we have the same expectations about that.
- In terms of positions? - No, I mean...
...who did you imagine when you pictured your first time?
Well, I always thought Al Gore was very hunky.
Al Gore? Really?
I know he's not really an option. He's married, and...
...he has a very busy speaking schedule.
What? So I like smart bad boys.
Well, at least it wasn't Robert Pattinson.
Who?
I can't believe we're here.
We'll just stay long enough to congratulate Casey on her test.
- Mardi Gras! - Yes, thank you.
I was supposed to be at Dobler's with Pete.
And I was supposed to be with Evan.
Aw, look at you, all lovey-dovey.
It's ridiculous that he has to work an emergency medical conference on Mardi Gras.
- What do you say, ladies? - Go ask a Tri Pi!
Whoa! Oh, oh!
Rebecca, you look really great tonight.
- Was that too far? - No. It was really nice of you.
I was gonna suggest we go up to my room,
but I didn't because that would be going too far.
And you expecting me to have sex with you as a reward for not going too far
is going too far.
- So we're not having sex? - Bye, Beav.
Yes, these lovely and elegant beads can be yours...
- We're outta here. - We can congratulate Casey later.
OK, well, we'll talk. All right? Yes!
[techno music plays]
I thought you said I'd make a lot of money.
Maybe the guys are getting a straight vibe from you.
What?
I'm just admiring how great you look.
- You could just use one minor adjustment here. - Really?
Yeah. It's Mardi Gras. Just go for it.
All right. Gay men of Cyprus, look out!
Hmm-hmm.
I think I know what my problem is.
- Oh! What are you doing? - I'm advertising.
Can I have a beer?
[sighing] This is so much better.
No one will objectify us here.
And look at all the cute, shirtless gay boys!
OK, dancing.
[indistinct chatter]
Um, twice in one day?
- What brings you down here? - I wanted to see how you did.
That's so nice, but you didn't have to come all this way.
I know I didn't have to. I wanted to.
- So? - I did OK, I guess.
It was hard to concentrate for so long.
Some life stuff tried to seep into my head.
But your advice definitely helped. So, thank you.
Good. These should help, too.
- Oh! - It's what I wanted when I was done.
Thought you might be feeling the same way.
The cookies are because you probably haven't eaten in a week,
and the Scotch is because that's what lawyers drink.
- Right. - And, well, because it's Scotch.
- So, you got plans? - Oh, um...
I'm supposed to go to this party.
You know what?
The party's not going anywhere.
Good. I was hoping you would say that.
[out of tune, upbeat]
Hey, Spitter. It's like being on Bourbon Street, isn't it?
Yeah.
- [wild note] - [groaning]
We may need more Bourbon.
So, how's it going with Katherine?
Really good. We're in the "free party time"
of tonight's schedule.
She's in the parade for people from Wisconsin.
Have you seen your sister?
No, I thought she was supposed to be here
- after her test, though. - So did I.
I need to talk to her about something.
Don't worry, I'm sure she'll show up.
- It's Mardi Gras! - Yeah, it's Mardi Gras.
- I need to get another beer. - Yeah!
[yawning]
Hey, how's it going with you guys?
- Great. - She's a delight.
[phone ringing]
- Go for Dale. - [girl slurring incoherently]
No, you're looking for Laura.
She's the sober sister tonight. I'm Dale.
- What's your name? - Dale!
- Laura gave me your number! - What do you mean she gave you my number?
- [cheering] - All right, who still hasn't seen 'em?
- Not on my watch. - Ready?
All right, all right. Show's over.
[guys groaning]
- So how's it going with Dale? - Dale? Dale's great.
So what's up with you and Katherine?
- Things are going pretty well. - How well?
You're my girl-pause-friend, right?
- Definitely. - OK.
Then, I'll tell you.
Katherine and I are gonna have sex tonight.
Wow, sex! Wow, I didn't know you guys were that serious.
We're not. This is only our second date.
- Oh, so you're that guy. - What guy?
No, she came to me. This wasn't even my idea.
She's the one who wants to lose her virginity.
And you're taking her virginity no less. Wow.
Is sex just some sort of insignificant transaction to you?
Wait a minute, she's not making a big deal out of this.
- Why should I? - That just proves it right there.
You not thinking that it's a big deal makes you a dog.
I am not a dog. She's the one with the schedule!
Oh, then hi-five on that, bro! That's... great.
- I didn't think I liked Scotch. - What do you think now?
- I think I like Scotch. - Hmm.
[giggling]
This is exactly what I needed.
I know. I remember.
Walking out of that test, I was mush.
I didn't even have the brain capacity to count to ten.
- Now, you don't need to. - Hmm.
Wow. I can't believe I was able to steer clear
of all the Mardi Gras madness.
- It's Mardi Gras already? - Oh, right.
You're probably above all the crazy partying stuff.
Me? Are you kidding?
Back in the day I would've passed out, sobered up,
- then passed out again by now. - You?
- Hmm-hmm. - Does Congressman Paymer know about this?
No. And she also doesn't know that, as an undergrad,
I streaked the Michigan/Ohio State football game.
- In November. - No way!
Stadium cops threw me in the football jail.
I swore that if I ever got out of there,
I was gonna earn a law degree
and fight for streaker rights everywhere.
Well, it is important to have dreams.
Hmm.
So, no more wild days like that?
I guess at some point you realize you've been there, done that.
And you start to find other things interesting.
Oh.
- [loud rock music plays] - [indistinct chatter]
- King cake? - No, thank you.
I don't eat at fraternity parties.
But it's got a baby in it!
- Hey! - This is gonna be my third trip to the ZBZ house
- since Laura's gone wild. - Let me ask you something.
Do you resent Sheila for taking your virginity?
Uh, I don't think so. I mean, I know it ended badly,
but I think, on some level, I wanted it to happen.
- But you gave up God. - True, but in the end I came back to him.
Here come the weeble-wobbles. Let's get you girls home.
Hey. What are you still doing here?
Thought you were on a sex schedule?
Or, should I say, a sexedule?
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
You're preparing to have sex.
Do I need to walk you through this again?
Does taking Katherine's virginity make me a dog?
On the contrary. It makes you a college student.
A very lucky college student.
This evening, tonight, is what college is all about.
Look around you. This is a magical place.
It's not gonna get any better than this.
Look, all you have to think about is whether or not
- it feels right to you. - Hmm-hmm.
Don't let other people get in your head about it.
Just be your own moral compass.
- [girls shouting] Beads! Beads! - Wait a second.
There's no way Anthony Hopkins should have more beads than me!
[techno music plays]
Oh, you don't think I'll do it?
I will do it! Whoo!
[cheering]
Whoa, too far! Too far. But thank you.
Oh, dude! You look just like my friend... Ashleigh!
You thought I was a drag queen, didn't you?
No. [scoffing] What are you doing here?
We were at the KT house, but got tired of getting ogled by frat guys.
- Uh, nice. - Yeah, I'm getting my gay on.
- It's about time! - Wait a minute, you said "we."
- Who are you here with? - Rebecca. She's over at the bar.
Yo, dance with Ashleigh for a second.
- Yeah! - [squealing]
Excuse me. I'm not just saying this because it's Mardi Gras,
but you are hot.
- You know I'm a girl, right? - And I'm straight.
Hey, man! Look at this!
All it took was a little blatant nudity. Who knew?
Yeah, well, you might want to cover up because Rebecca's here.
- I guess the jig is up. - What are you gonna do?
Have a little fun on Mardi Gras.
What's your name?
- Stranger in a bar. - Oh, no complications, huh?
Why not? It is Mardi Gras.
- What can I get you guys? - Two cosmos.
What are you doing?
[rock music plays]
Oh, hey, thanks for the party, dude.
See you in the lab.
Hey, I don't know what your problem is, but I am not a dog.
I've been navigating by my own moral compass.
- [scoffs] If you say so. - I do.
- Why do you even care, anyway? - Because I like you. Duh.
Again? But you told me at the nerd auction you don't.
I tried to ask you out and you turned me down.
You know, for a smart guy you sure are dumb.
I mean, look at all the signs I've been giving you.
Like insulting my character? Calling me a dog?
No, like getting dressed up, putting make-up on.
Do you know that I even wore these stupid heels
because I calculated our height difference,
and knew these would facilite eye-to-eye contact.
Your math was perfect.
After all the time we've spent together in the lab,
how can you not see it?
We have a great time, we have so much in common.
We just make sense.
So you don't want to be my girl-pause-friend?
Never mind.
- Dana! - Rusty?
It's time.
I used to be able to put away a whole bag of these.
- Oh, right. - No, seriously, I was a fat little kid.
Well, you certainly grew out of that stage.
So the test. There were a lot of really tough questions.
Hmm, it's over now. Next stop, law school.
And you didn't even have to streak a football game.
I know. Oh! Oh! I almost forgot.
My lucky talisman.
I was going to go with Pussy-Willow the Seventh,
but they won't even let you bring a phone, so...
I hope it worked.
- I can't. - Oh.
- No, it's just... - You've got a boyfriend, don't you?
I'm sorry, Casey. I wouldn't have done that if I'd known.
No. No, it's my fault. I should've been more up-front.
It's OK. I should get going.
I do have one last logical reasoning question for you.
Why would a girl spend an evening with a guy
and not tell him she has a boyfriend?
Good thing that wasn't on the test.
Good night, Casey.
[techno music plays]
- That was weird. - Not what I imagined your medical conference to look like.
Uh, no, I meant you kissing a guy right in front of me.
Come on. He was a gay guy in a gay bar.
- It's not a big deal. - It's a big deal to me.
- I want to be exclusive with you. - Why?
That's not exactly the response I was expecting.
Because I care about you, that's why.
I care about you, too. But that doesn't mean
- we need to be exclusive. - Well, what does that mean?
Wait a minute. You mean you haven't been exclusive?
When? With who?
- Was it Cappie? - No.
- Well, then who was it? - It doesn't matter.
- Look, Evan, I'm sorry... - I can't believe this!
Do you have any idea why I'm working here?
To pay back money that I stole from my own house to buy you that necklace.
I never asked you to do any of that.
I've always been honest with you.
I'm not the kind of girl who's gonna have
an ordinary relationship.
That's something you've talked yourself into.
Love doesn't work.
And you trying to force this on me is what's screwing this up!
No, you screwing this up is what's screwing this up!
You can hide behind that crap all you want to,
but we both know that it's just a lame excuse!
You're afraid!
This is why we should've just been a one-night stand.
Want to know why you don't believe in love?
Because you're heartless.
Hey, what's going on? Is everything OK?
Yeah, take her home.
Hello.
- Wow. - I watched 9 1/2 weeks.
Apparently men find it erotic when women wear dress shirts.
I am prepared to dance for you.
You know what? Maybe we should just get comfortable.
[sighing] OK. OK.
I can't believe I'm finally getting this over with.
Oh. OK, did it already happen?
"Get this over with?"
That sounds like some sort of transaction.
Well, I suppose, in a way, it is.
I'm not so sure I want to be
someone you just get this over with...
- ...with. - Are we not doing this?
I wish I was a bad boy. I wish I was Al Gore.
But I'm not. I'm sorry.
Thank you, Dale.
You are the best sober sister ever!
I know. Remember to vote for my raise
at the next chapter meeting.
- What are you doing? - I want you to have something.
- Show your butt. Nice. - Those are my favorites.
Let's go.
Dale... and Laura?
- Hey. - Hey!
You're just in time for the final parade of the evening.
Mardi Gras! Parade, Pledge! Parade!
Hey. Oh, get that girl some beads!
There were better ones. So, how'd the test go?
Um, OK. There was one logic question that tripped me up.
Oh, what was it?
I saw the form.
Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me that
you're nowhere close to picking a major?
I just didn't want to distract you before your test.
Well, that didn't really work out.
[sighing] OK, I'm sorry, I screwed up.
But the truth is, I didn't fill it out because...
...I'm not ready to graduate.
I didn't tell you because you've been putting so much pressure on me.
I don't want to pressure you, but this changes things.
I thought we were past this, and I could finally see
some sort of future together, but instead you lied to me?
Even though we said we could talk to each other about anything.
I almost kissed another guy tonight.
What?
Yeah, Joel came to see how I did and he brought Scotch
because that's what lawyers drink, and...
...but nothing happened. I just don't know what your plan is,
so I don't know what my plan is, and it drives me crazy.
I don't want a plan. I just know I'm not ready to graduate.
- Ever? - Maybe.
- I'm gonna stay at the ZBZ house. - [sighing]
Happy Mardi Gras.
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